WACO, TexasA wedding is a two-way aisle.
Sure, it’s a time for the bride and groom to exchange nuptials and forever be joined as one. But what’s a wedding without an audience?
For centuries, guests have played an important part at these joyous ceremonies, serving as witnesses to the marriage vows, showering affection and gifts upon the elated couple and offering support as the newlyweds begin a life together.
But if guests have multiple weddings to attend during the annual wedding season, they can feel just as much stress as the bride and groom.
May through October is considered the national wedding season. Most people will receive between four and seven wedding invitations, wedding consultants say. Those invites don’t even include the bridal shower invitations or bachelorette and bachelor party notices that will arrive in the mail. And it’s not unheard of for a family to be invited to two weddings per month.
“Guests are very important to a wedding,” said Shannon Ashe, owner of Salado Wedding Wishes. “It’s a time for friends and family to enjoy their time with the bridal couple.”
The most important thing wedding guests have to do to survive the annual wedding daze is to set limits — both on how many events they’ll attend and how much they’ll spend, a local wedding expert said.
“People are constantly getting married,” said Carol Harrell, owner of This I Promise You wedding consulting. “You have to decide which ones you want to go to and which ones you don’t.”
To give or not to give?
Harrell said she and her husband set a budget for themselves. They determine how much money they will spend on wedding and shower gifts, and they don’t exceed that amount.
Another rule to follow on whether to shower a couple with gifts at multiple events, she said, is this: if a guest is a close friend of someone who’s throwing a shower, then she or he should go to that one and skip the others.
Knowing when to give a gift is one way to relieve guests’ stress. According to Ashe, a gift doesn’t have to be given just because a guest receives a wedding invitation. But a gift does have to be given if a shower invitation is received.
“But people are only obligated to send one gift,” she said. “If they have other showers to attend, let the hostess know that you gave a gift to another shower.”
However, Harrell believes a gift should be bought for every invitation received. But guests don’t necessarily have to buy an item from the couple’s bridal registry each time, she said.
“Personally, I would take a gift from the registry the first time,” Harrell said. “Then the second one I might take a bottle of wine and the third one I might give a charitable donation in the couple’s name. If you have a lot of gifts to buy, it can really get expensive.”
Ashe said an easy and affordable solution is to buy sale items in bulk.
“My mother will go to places like Dillard’s and stock up on picture frames or candelabras,” she said. “That way she has them available for a shower or wedding gift. The bridal couple can always use them.”
According to “Emily Post’s Wedding Etiquette” book by Peggy Post, the only absolute on not giving a gift is when an invitation has been received after the wedding date.
“Although it is nice to acknowledge the receipt of the announcement by sending a card or note expressing best wishes to the couple,” Peggy Post writes.
Wardrobe dilemmas
When it comes to wedding attire, the rules are very forgiving for guests. The same outfit can be worn to several different weddings, even if the same folks will be attending, experts say.
Guests don’t need to stress themselves about buying a new outfit for each occasion, Ashe said.
But make sure to pick the appropriate outfit for the time and location of the wedding, Harrell said. If people have two weddings on the same day, the same outfit can be worn. Just remember to wear something multifunctional, Ashe said.
“If it were me, I would attend the afternoon one, then go have a nice early dinner somewhere, then go to the second one,” Harrell said. “Of course, if the evening wedding is formal, then you’ll want to go home and change into something appropriate. Otherwise, Sunday attire would work for both.”
Ashe recommends a few survival tips for guests’ attire. Don’t wear spiky heels to an outdoor venue. Carry a shawl or light sweater for an indoor wedding, just in case the air conditioning is on the cooler side, she said.
“Guests need to remember to keep it low key,” Ashe said. “Don’t worry so much about pressure. A way to do that is to plan ahead. Guests can get out all of their invitations and figure out what they’re going to wear, what gift they’re going to buy and so on. But read the invitation clearly.”
Getting details
It’s absolutely OK to call the bride, groom or parents to ask questions or clarify something, Ashe said.
Post said guests have an obligation to immediately respond to a wedding or shower invitation. And they also have a responsibility to be on their best behavior for the event.
Just because guests might not like others at the wedding or like that they’ve been invited to a bunch of ceremonies doesn’t mean they need to wage war, Post writes in her book.
“Best behavior is the code, so guests should practice civility during any and all proceedings in which they are participating,” she writes.
After all, the wedding is ultimately about the bride and groom. And who they invite and where they invite the people is up to them. Some will invite the same people to every single shower and wedding. Others will only ask those that are nearest and dearest to them, Harrell said.
“It easily can get out of control,” she said. “Some people have a wide circle of friends. They’re involved in organizations, charities, groups. They could easily have two or three weddings each weekend of the month. Some guests would need a serious vacation by October.”
